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SillyBilly0823
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Name: Billy
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 8/23/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Helping people, trying to change the world, analyzing ish, trying to be a better christian.
Expertise: Networking?...oh and party planning!
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/3/2004
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| Side Note - 1 more final left, then 2 graduations + lots of food with my family. Then JAPAN & CHINA...WOOT WOOT!
Anyways on to the fun stuff; haven't updated in a while so its good to
be back. This semester i have been learning a lot about love and
forgiveness. I think i am generally a very forgiving person, but
not a very loving person.
Meaning I tend to act like i have forgiven people for annoying me /
doing bad things to me, but i think in my mind i am devoid of Love.
Now as christians we are supposed to show both, and i'm having a very hard time with the internalization of love.
I also tend to gossip too much, due to the lack of internalization of love.
Now there is a particular person i always struggle with (its not who
you think, its a guy!). He is a christian, but i always get the
impression that he sacrifices being a good person in one aspect of his
life to pile on all his goodness in only one group of people. You
ever know those people who just treat certain people like crap, but
around the right group they turn in to a really cool, really chill, fun
to be around guy.
Well he is kind of like that. He's very incosiderate towards me
and always has these passive aggressive tendencies. He also likes
to argue about anything and everything.
In general i have kept quiet about this over the years, but i think as
i am graduating now, i realize that its hard for me to exercise either
love or forgiveness. You need to hold fellow christians to higher
standards than non-believers. Now no way does this mean fellow
christians should hold me to a higher standard --> I got my own
issues to deal with too!
So i'm thinking about what i should do. In general i'm someone
who does not prefer conflict, but i'm not afraid to deal with it.
I guess i'm just wondering what my role in this situation is supposed
to be. The more i think about it i think i have forgiven him
countless times, and i shouldn't be counting anyways.
oh i love xanga, because i can do stealth gossip.
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| "So sick"
I am so sick of being influenced by too much TV.
I am so sick of missing church all the time.
I am so sick of looking at craigslist ads everyday.
I am so sick of being annoyed / judgmental about annoying people.
I am so sick of thinking about finance all the time, so tired of thinking about my low GPA.
I am so sick of wishing i was going to be a banker, so done wishing i had roommates to live with in SF.
I am so sick of being in a sentimental mood b/c i am getting bombarded by all this romance crap.
Finally,
I am so sick of listening to "So-Sick" by Ne-Yo, when i should be studying for my midterm tomorrow or doing my finance hw.
oh also,
I am so sick of thinking about my lack of relationship status. stupid song.
haha, i still really like it though.
His album sucks though.
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| WangFu you are seriously too clever!
check out the link (apparently most of my friends have already seen it, so i'm sorry i'm slow)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5847984513475560733
Two reactions:
*Billy is laughing maniacally at his computer screen while one roomate is sleeping and the other is doing a dating simulation logic problem set.*
*Realizing later that this video actually reinforces two very negative stereotypes toward asian men and women despite being very clever and satirical*
Anyways; my friend Tera made a very valid point. It objectifies women and makes them look really bad by having them just jump to a bunch of random guys on a whim.
This video also reminds me of my experience in the Senate. In particular one of my fellow Senators Yvette Felarca, is always berating me to be a better asian leader or to not have such "little confidence in myself," when I am making very sarcastic and satirical remarks in regard to this "asian community" that everyone thinks i represent. (go figure?)
However after watching this video, what she said makes a lot of sense to me right now. I love WangFu and Phil Wang is hilarious, but i don't think people realize that non asian ppl who see this aren't necessarily going to think its just funny and are going to mistaken it as how asians see themselves.
Meaning maybe the way we represent ourselves when people perceive us to be a representative of a community of minorities is important after all. I should stop cracking jokes and making the entire senate laugh and start going to my weds meeting with my nice business suit and tie that i only save for job interviews.
But that just isn't me, so i'm not going to do that...................................................................But what if that is the problem???
I gave up my Idealism of trying to be a role model that "breaks stereotypes" a long time ago, but in my fall to reality did i just end up reinforcing those glass ceilings and negative stereotypes that hold back our community and make other people both praise and resent us for our academic and financial success?
Then again i don't think the word "community" exists in many of my friends vocabularies, I'm still under the impression that nothing short of genocide can unite Asian Americans together.
Someone once told me a short while ago that i had lost my *spark*
Maybe, just maybe its being ignited once again. :)
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| I hate how reading my xanga digest i get in my emails inspires me to write stuff.
oh well, time for study break.
So i wrote my cultural psychology paper on "How why Asians and Whites date interracially?"
i actually had a lot of fun with this paper, spent a good amount of
time last weekend researching psych info and thinking about my
hypothesis.
So here is what i discovered:
There is a previous study similar done at UCLA in
1997 that found that Asian males date more interracially than asian
females, this doesn't make sense though because Asian Females are the
single group in America that marries interracially more than any other
group (by strict numbers though black men still marry interracially the
most, b/c there are more of them)
My hypothetical experiment was to look at why the
UCLA study did not show results that explain marriage rates for
Asians. So what i decided to do was look at 3 theoretical
concepts that different researchers have proprosed in the past for why
people in general date interracially.
first we have Endogamy - This means that you date someone in similar
social circles; i.e. i am in a Greek fraternity, so i date someone who
is in a Greek sorority.
next we have propinquity - This is like when i live on a floor with
someone so i see them everyday, so i date them b/c they are always
around, (mere-exposure effect). Its what loser guys do to wear
down girls they want to date, but who initially won't date them (it
actually works depending on the personality of the girl)
Finally there is exchange theory - this is my favorite theory; its a
very simple premise. I trade my social status as a white male for
the submissiveness of an asian female (stereotype). It is also
called caste theory.
*Note when the 1997 study was found there wasn't massive yellow fever
going on in the media like what is happeneing in 2005, so that study
did not look at exchange theory as much as accomodation / assimilation
theories (exchange is similar but not the same as assimilation)
Some interesting sub-findings - given high schools with relative mixes
of all races, it was found that black males were always considered the
most attractive mates, not the white males.
Asian men and women both rate latinos and black the groups they would least likely date.
asian women rate whites higher than other asian, while asian men rate
other asian higher than whites (i.e. i'm chinese so supposedly i would
rather date another asian like a korean instead of a white
person. My sister on the other hand, would supposedly want to
date a white person instead of a korean.)
Diane Fujino (the woman who did the UCLA study) - also likes to mention
the "angry asian man complex." In her study it was proven to not exist.
So after all this research here were my hypothetical results if we did a study on interracial dating at berkeley.
White men - exchange theory - they date asian girls b/c they want them
either for their submissiveness or sex appeal, and trade their white
status for it.
Asian women - exchange theory - they date white guys b/c they want
status / social success so they trade their attractive qualities for
them.
White women - endogamy - they will date an asian guy if they are in
same social circles (think a club that actually has both whites and
asians, or a group of friends with both. Or even an Asian guy in
a fraternity dating a white girl in a sorority)
Asian men - propinquity - we date whoever is around us and who we have
most exposure to (aka - whatever we can get...hehe) So an Asian guy
will date a white girl if he is around her a lot, and the white girl
will date that asian guy if they are of similar social status (i.e.
they are both "cool" people, or they are both dorks.) Good example
would be bandos - lotta interracial couples of that type in the Cal
Band.
So what does this mean? - well i personally think its just a lot of
media brianwashing; America wants minority females to believe that in
order to succeed, then need to find a white man fast.
does it bother me? - not really, i think my angry asian man complex
kind of went away after freshmen year. Its more of an interesting
social phenomenom.
In the end everyone is just going to look white ish with asian features.
I still have my chinese girl only policy though; for now at least. :)
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| I just spent 1 hour wandering around campus after my cultural
psychology final looking for my favorite highlighter. Turns out
there was a hole in my messenger bag and i couldn't find it.
I went from Tolmann to Warren back to Tolmann, all the while staring at
the stupid ground. I managed to find a cool eraser and a
mechanical pencil but no highlighter :(
Then i got home and bumped into Alan Lin. I patted my bag to
indicate that i had lost my highlighter when i felt something long and
thin.
When i got home i opened up the hole to discover that my favorite
highlighter was wedged in between the seams of my messenger bag.
I was both happy and frustrated, b/c i found my highlighter, but i
wasted 1 hour walking around campus like an idiot staring at the ground
and asking random people if they had found a retractable highlighter.
Ok now i'm going to nap.
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